Makes sense Right?
Or should that be Left?
Makes sense Right?
Or should that be Left?
Worry, confusion and delaying. The big price of anxiety.
We often feel worry, fear, nightmares and overpowered with anxiety, but I think the more unnoticed problem of holding-back is the bigger issue. Here’s why:
With difficulties such as fears, social anxiety, stress, IBS, insomnia and phobias, we are more likely to be aware there is a problem and do something about it. But holding back has an in- built flaw.
You probably have guessed it, that’s right, when we avoid things they don’t get done so remain undone.
There are two things going on. Firstly you instinctively what to stay away from what make you feel bad and thus our mind starts to focus on the problem and not the solution
Thus we see and feel failure before success and feel more and more trapped searching for distractions which inevitably keep us on the merry-go-round of negativity.
We still have hopes and dreams about our ambitions , or education , our relationships and so on but they are just in the distance, the mercurial peach – just out of reach.
It is when we see this difference between where we feel we are, and where we imagine we’d like to be, that we experience even more bad feeling. Yet we continue to hold back from moving towards success in what we wish for and just feed the fire of bad feeling.
Procrastination, putting-it-on-the-long-finger, the classic Spanish for tomorrow, “manana”. Call it what you like, is a huge problem. It really means that the thing that can help is deliberately avoided, thus continuing the problem.
Here are examples that might ring true to you:
The great, unique business idea that will help people and also make lots of money yet there it is still on the shelf, in the pipeline years later still on paper but not a reality.
Getting over a failed relationship, losing your job or a bereavement – not being able to accept that things have changed, waiting for the right moment , when “I’m stronger”, “when “I’m able to deal with it”. However all that is happening is avoidance , sometimes referred to as “Freeze and endure”. Like a rabbit in the headlights frozen hoping the traffic will miss you.
Similarly we sometimes actually prime ourselves to the point of change, but just don’t push the button like someone who wants to get fit but never gets around to it. You probably know someone who bought all the cycling gear: The lycra shorts, the pump and repair kit, the helmet, but who doesn’t actually have a bike.
We often trick ourselves with this: “I’ll get all the gear first, then I’ll start”. We can do this with anything in life. Finding one more reason not to start just yet, is easier when we’re spending money, getting things, feeling involved. That’s still a long way from taking real action. We can hold back expertly when we have activity around the issue that achieves nothing useful.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable reading this? Well done for still being here. A lot of people have clicked away already.
Noticing what it is that we want to accomplish and being aware of the distraction that’s getting between us and our dream, is huge.
Focus on the feeling. That’s what’s driving this. What is that feeling? A nervous tension, pressure on the bladder, knot in the stomach, tight or weight on the chest, lump in the throat? These are the feelings to address and resolve to succeed. A better plan, idea, getting more organised etc., are illusions to keep us busy and don’t address the real issue – the feeling that holds us back!
Tackle these and start to build real success. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen who’s lives just took off once they began to break past the holding-back!
I’m always happy to chat with people about how to break through the holding-back, so feel free to comment, mail, or call.
Hear to listen – Here to help.
You know I was making a salad the other night so I laid all my ingredients out on the worktop – crisp iceberg lettuce, luscious red tomatoes, sweet yellow, orange and red peppers, long spring onions, purple red onions and a large Spanish onion; a hard boiled egg, a block of mature Irish cheddar cheese, a stick of celery, a pink lady apple and a handful of walnuts.
I carefully washed all the fruit and vegetables under the running tap the ice cold water making my fingers go numb. I then roughly tore up the lettuce, cracking and ripping every leaf. I cut up the tomatoes into quarters and finely chopped the peppers and onions. My eyes wept as I did so. I quickly chopped the celery, peeled and cored the apple then sliced it as was the hard boiled egg, Finally the cheese was cubed and the walnuts crushed.
I got my large salad bowl from the cupboard above my head and throw all the prepared ingredients into the bowl. A pinch of salt and black pepper and a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil were poured over the salad and then all the ingredients were gently tossed and mixed around the bowl. How tempting it looked all those fresh vibrant colours, reds, yellows, orange, green, white and brown. All those fragrances and aromas, woody and sweet, young and old wafting into the air.
Then I looked closely at the salad and thought isn’t it funny that I would gladly choose any of the ingredients by themselves yet together how better they become working together to complement each other in their own unique way.
Unique as despite my best efforts of tossing them high into the sky and mixing them up in and around the bowl they still remained the same –still a piece of lettuce, tomato, pepper, onion, egg, cheese, celery, apple and nut. Yes they had a bit of seasoning and dressing but that is like a uniform that could be removed for beneath this they continued to be themselves providing the flavour and aroma they always did but now even better in so many ways.
But will it last?
New Year resolutions can be like as Mary Poppins suggested , “piecrust promises. Easily made, easily broken.”
However if you are sticking to them then well done.
If you are beginning to falter then stick to it. It’s only normal to have doubts.
If you have given up then maybe you were too ambitious but no harm in trying again.
My number one tip when it comes to resolutions is this-
Don’t try to do it all by yourself. Get support it will make it a lot easier and when you can achieve one goal who is to say you can’t achieve another and another and another…
“What is the point”?
This is a question I come across quite often and yep not necessarily an easy one to answer.
Well it is if you know the answer but until you do then it is not going to be easy.
Hopefully this makes sense and not just a conversational loop!
The point is the purpose of the point of the thing whatever it is in the first place. Eh!
There is no point in climbing the mountain unless you have a purpose for doing so. Otherwise you would be better off doing something else. Something that has a purpose, something you want to do.
Of course you may feel compelled, even forced into doing something that you really do not want to do. But if you do not want to do it then guess what – don’t do it.
Unless, that is, you have a purpose and that purpose may even be survival but it is still a purpose.
So next time you are faced with a task focus on the purposeful point otherwise you may well be asking yourself –
“What is the point”?
PS: My previous post Zoom!- what was that? might help with your point of purpose.
How often is it that we feel obliged to say “yes” to every demand placed upon us knowing fine well that we already have too much to do in the first place?
How often do you hear, “it is good to be stretched” or “sure it is a challenge” when more tasks are piled on top of a very long “to do” list?
How many people do you know scurry around flapping like a budgie, bouncing around the room like a burst hose pipe and don’t actually start doing anything near productive until 5 minutes before deadline?
Even if you have a plan or a schedule somehow time never seems to be there to get things done. An illusion, an elusive shadow that you seem to constantly chase but just like the mercurial peach is destined to be just out of reach.
But what if you say “no” occasionally and not feel guilty as long as you can explain the reasons behind it (reasonable ones about tasks in hand, deadlines already expected not childish “it’s not fair”, “why me?”)
Perhaps it is ok to be “stretched” or “challenged” occasionally indeed I would suggest it is essential that we get out our comfort zones once and awhile to see what we are made of.
Maybe the flappers and bouncers require to channel their energies in a more productive way, find out what they are good at and leave them to it, leaving you to get on with the things you need to get done without the distractions.
Sure everybody knows if you don’t plan you plan to fail, right? However maybe the plan needs to be flexible to consider the possibility that time needs to cherished, loved, taken care of to ensure that it will always be there for you instead of chasing after it like a desperate drunk seeking a partner for the last dance.
And who knows maybe, just maybe, you will get your hands on and taste the sweet juices of the mercurial peach.