Worry, confusion and delaying. The big price of anxiety.
We often feel worry, fear, nightmares and overpowered with anxiety, but I think the more unnoticed problem of holding-back is the bigger issue. Here’s why:
With difficulties such as fears, social anxiety, stress, IBS, insomnia and phobias, we are more likely to be aware there is a problem and do something about it. But holding back has an in- built flaw.
You probably have guessed it, that’s right, when we avoid things they don’t get done so remain undone.
There are two things going on. Firstly you instinctively what to stay away from what make you feel bad and thus our mind starts to focus on the problem and not the solution
Thus we see and feel failure before success and feel more and more trapped searching for distractions which inevitably keep us on the merry-go-round of negativity.
We still have hopes and dreams about our ambitions , or education , our relationships and so on but they are just in the distance, the mercurial peach – just out of reach.
It is when we see this difference between where we feel we are, and where we imagine we’d like to be, that we experience even more bad feeling. Yet we continue to hold back from moving towards success in what we wish for and just feed the fire of bad feeling.
Procrastination, putting-it-on-the-long-finger, the classic Spanish for tomorrow, “manana”. Call it what you like, is a huge problem. It really means that the thing that can help is deliberately avoided, thus continuing the problem.
Here are examples that might ring true to you:
The great, unique business idea that will help people and also make lots of money yet there it is still on the shelf, in the pipeline years later still on paper but not a reality.
Getting over a failed relationship, losing your job or a bereavement – not being able to accept that things have changed, waiting for the right moment , when “I’m stronger”, “when “I’m able to deal with it”. However all that is happening is avoidance , sometimes referred to as “Freeze and endure”. Like a rabbit in the headlights frozen hoping the traffic will miss you.
Similarly we sometimes actually prime ourselves to the point of change, but just don’t push the button like someone who wants to get fit but never gets around to it. You probably know someone who bought all the cycling gear: The lycra shorts, the pump and repair kit, the helmet, but who doesn’t actually have a bike.
We often trick ourselves with this: “I’ll get all the gear first, then I’ll start”. We can do this with anything in life. Finding one more reason not to start just yet, is easier when we’re spending money, getting things, feeling involved. That’s still a long way from taking real action. We can hold back expertly when we have activity around the issue that achieves nothing useful.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable reading this? Well done for still being here. A lot of people have clicked away already.
Noticing what it is that we want to accomplish and being aware of the distraction that’s getting between us and our dream, is huge.
Focus on the feeling. That’s what’s driving this. What is that feeling? A nervous tension, pressure on the bladder, knot in the stomach, tight or weight on the chest, lump in the throat? These are the feelings to address and resolve to succeed. A better plan, idea, getting more organised etc., are illusions to keep us busy and don’t address the real issue – the feeling that holds us back!
Tackle these and start to build real success. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen who’s lives just took off once they began to break past the holding-back!
I’m always happy to chat with people about how to break through the holding-back, so feel free to comment, mail, or call.
Hear to listen – Here to help.