Will I, Can I?

yes i can

Worry, confusion and delaying. The big price of anxiety.

We often feel worry, fear, nightmares and overpowered with anxiety, but I think the more unnoticed problem of holding-back is the bigger issue. Here’s why:

With difficulties such as fears, social anxiety, stress, IBS, insomnia and phobias, we are more likely to be aware there is a problem and do something about it. But holding back has an in- built flaw.

You probably have guessed it, that’s right, when we avoid things they don’t get done so remain undone.

There are two things going on. Firstly you instinctively what to stay away from what make you feel bad and thus our mind starts to focus on the problem and not the solution

Thus we see and feel failure before success and feel more and more trapped searching for distractions which inevitably keep us on the merry-go-round of negativity.

We still have hopes and dreams about our ambitions , or education , our relationships and so on but they are just in the distance, the mercurial peach – just out of reach.

It is when we see this difference between where we feel we are, and where we imagine we’d like to be, that we experience even more bad feeling. Yet we continue to hold back from moving towards success in what we wish for and just feed the fire of bad feeling.

Procrastination, putting-it-on-the-long-finger, the classic Spanish for tomorrow, “manana”. Call it what you like, is a huge problem. It really means that the thing that can help is deliberately avoided, thus continuing the problem.

Here are examples that might ring true to you:

The great, unique business idea that will help people and also make lots of money yet there it is still on the shelf, in the pipeline years later still on paper but not a reality.

Getting over a failed relationship, losing your job or a bereavement – not being able to accept that things have changed, waiting for the right moment , when “I’m stronger”, “when “I’m able to deal with it”. However all that is happening is avoidance , sometimes referred to as “Freeze and endure”. Like a rabbit in the headlights frozen hoping the traffic will miss you.

Similarly we sometimes actually prime ourselves to the point of change, but just don’t push the button like someone who wants to get fit but never gets around to it. You probably know someone who bought all the cycling gear: The lycra shorts, the pump and repair kit, the helmet, but who doesn’t actually have a bike.

We often trick ourselves with this: “I’ll get all the gear first, then I’ll start”. We can do this with anything in life. Finding one more reason not to start just yet, is easier when we’re spending money, getting things, feeling involved. That’s still a long way from taking real action. We can hold back expertly when we have activity around the issue that achieves nothing useful.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable reading this? Well done for still being here. A lot of people have clicked away already.

Noticing what it is that we want to accomplish and being aware of the distraction that’s getting between us and our dream, is huge.

Focus on the feeling. That’s what’s driving this. What is that feeling? A nervous tension, pressure on the bladder, knot in the stomach, tight or weight on the chest, lump in the throat? These are the feelings to address and resolve to succeed. A better plan, idea, getting more organised etc., are illusions to keep us busy and don’t address the real issue – the feeling that holds us back!

Tackle these and start to build real success. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen who’s lives just took off once they began to break past the holding-back!

I’m always happy to chat with people about how to break through the holding-back, so feel free to comment, mail, or call.

Hear to listen – Here to help.

 

The Bowie Effect

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I remember when Elvis died, I was just a kid and knew my parents were big fans, I can’t remember them playing any of his music again.

Now I was not a big fan of Bowie although was always interested in what he did. I saw him live back in 1990, he played all his old stuff from the seventies, the memory will always stay with me as will the first time I heard “Heroes”, in English and German. A WOW experience without mistake.

Indeed I was listening to “Darkstar” this weekend of its release and was taken with how good is was, I mean the guy was 69 and still making powerful music. Not knowing of course his ill health and the album was him writing his own epitaph.

Fair play to him and indeed his family and those who knew about his terminal condition to keep it going; not to just give up but perhaps in some kind of mindful way to accept and acknowledge the situation and produce one last piece of work that as he put it,

” They will remember me know”.

But there again even in this snapchat age where nothing last beyond the next paragraph, I don’t think he would have been forgotten given his influence on so my music and art genres and thus groups and bands throughout the world. Although interestingly enough I was speaking to a few people from India recently and they had never heard of him!

So what is my point here?

Can we take from his death, the inspiration of his work either directly or indirectly through those influenced by him and see the potential in ourselves not to give in to adversity and bloody well get off our ass and make something of our lives.

Or is it just another day in the life… until we join David in the eternal sleep.

I rather hope we can all be inspired to do something, even one thing, that will make a difference to ourselves and others. No matter what age we are, every day is a potential school day, so let us all do something. Whatever it is no matter how lame it may seem to you, if it makes a difference then be the difference that makes the difference.

Bowie did not stop even when some said his creativity was gone, he was past it. He kept going and even when he knew his time was up, he gave us “Lazarus” to remind us even in death we can all live through the legacy of what we give to the world.

 

 

There is going to be a resolution

exercise

But will it last?

New Year resolutions can be like as Mary Poppins suggested , “piecrust promises. Easily made, easily broken.”

However if you are sticking to them then well done.

If you are beginning to falter then stick to it. It’s only normal to have doubts.

If you have given up then maybe you were too ambitious but no harm in trying again.

My number one tip when it comes to resolutions is this-

Don’t try to do it all by yourself. Get support it will make it a lot easier and when you can achieve one goal who is to say you can’t achieve another and another and another…

Time well spent?

Apparently the average person will spend up to 6 months of their lives queuing.(post office / bank / shops etc.)

Unless of course you have ever visited Walt Disney World then best to double that figure!

But you know what, it is probably time well spent (Walt Disney World that is not the rest of the stuff which we really need to ask ourselves if it is adding any value to our lives as its certainly eating away at our time left on the planet)

Best Book Ever???

tollbooth

I recently found an old copy of – THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH by Norton Juster

I picked it up and read it page to page, just couldn’t put it down. Yes it’s a kids book but it’s the lessons in life that the book gives that makes it relevant to the old kids on the block too.

So if your stuck, unmotivated, lacking direction in your place in the world, read the book it might, it might just open your eyes to what you already have.

Serendipity

serendipity

I was asked recently what serendipity meant to me. I said that I remember seeing a cartoon which went a bit like this-

A man went into a shop and after wandering around for a while said to the shopkeeper-

You don’t seem to have what I am not looking for.

I think that explains it perfectly…