Do you have it?

mag

 

You do not need to have the answers but you can help someone look for them.

 

Hear to Listen – Here to Help

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Will I, Can I?

yes i can

Worry, confusion and delaying. The big price of anxiety.

We often feel worry, fear, nightmares and overpowered with anxiety, but I think the more unnoticed problem of holding-back is the bigger issue. Here’s why:

With difficulties such as fears, social anxiety, stress, IBS, insomnia and phobias, we are more likely to be aware there is a problem and do something about it. But holding back has an in- built flaw.

You probably have guessed it, that’s right, when we avoid things they don’t get done so remain undone.

There are two things going on. Firstly you instinctively what to stay away from what make you feel bad and thus our mind starts to focus on the problem and not the solution

Thus we see and feel failure before success and feel more and more trapped searching for distractions which inevitably keep us on the merry-go-round of negativity.

We still have hopes and dreams about our ambitions , or education , our relationships and so on but they are just in the distance, the mercurial peach – just out of reach.

It is when we see this difference between where we feel we are, and where we imagine we’d like to be, that we experience even more bad feeling. Yet we continue to hold back from moving towards success in what we wish for and just feed the fire of bad feeling.

Procrastination, putting-it-on-the-long-finger, the classic Spanish for tomorrow, “manana”. Call it what you like, is a huge problem. It really means that the thing that can help is deliberately avoided, thus continuing the problem.

Here are examples that might ring true to you:

The great, unique business idea that will help people and also make lots of money yet there it is still on the shelf, in the pipeline years later still on paper but not a reality.

Getting over a failed relationship, losing your job or a bereavement – not being able to accept that things have changed, waiting for the right moment , when “I’m stronger”, “when “I’m able to deal with it”. However all that is happening is avoidance , sometimes referred to as “Freeze and endure”. Like a rabbit in the headlights frozen hoping the traffic will miss you.

Similarly we sometimes actually prime ourselves to the point of change, but just don’t push the button like someone who wants to get fit but never gets around to it. You probably know someone who bought all the cycling gear: The lycra shorts, the pump and repair kit, the helmet, but who doesn’t actually have a bike.

We often trick ourselves with this: “I’ll get all the gear first, then I’ll start”. We can do this with anything in life. Finding one more reason not to start just yet, is easier when we’re spending money, getting things, feeling involved. That’s still a long way from taking real action. We can hold back expertly when we have activity around the issue that achieves nothing useful.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable reading this? Well done for still being here. A lot of people have clicked away already.

Noticing what it is that we want to accomplish and being aware of the distraction that’s getting between us and our dream, is huge.

Focus on the feeling. That’s what’s driving this. What is that feeling? A nervous tension, pressure on the bladder, knot in the stomach, tight or weight on the chest, lump in the throat? These are the feelings to address and resolve to succeed. A better plan, idea, getting more organised etc., are illusions to keep us busy and don’t address the real issue – the feeling that holds us back!

Tackle these and start to build real success. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen who’s lives just took off once they began to break past the holding-back!

I’m always happy to chat with people about how to break through the holding-back, so feel free to comment, mail, or call.

Hear to listen – Here to help.

 

A Metaphorical Salad

salad

You know I was making a salad the other night so I laid all my ingredients out on the worktop – crisp iceberg lettuce, luscious red tomatoes, sweet yellow, orange and red peppers, long spring onions, purple red onions and a large Spanish onion; a hard boiled egg, a block of mature Irish cheddar cheese, a stick of celery, a pink lady apple and a handful of walnuts.

I carefully washed all the fruit and vegetables under the running tap the ice cold water making my fingers go numb. I then roughly tore up the lettuce, cracking and ripping every leaf. I cut up the tomatoes into quarters and finely chopped the peppers and onions. My eyes wept as I did so. I quickly chopped the celery, peeled and cored the apple then sliced it as was the hard boiled egg, Finally the cheese was cubed and  the walnuts crushed.

I got my large salad bowl from the cupboard above my head and throw all the prepared ingredients into the bowl. A pinch of salt and black pepper and a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil were poured over the salad and then all the ingredients were gently tossed and mixed around the bowl. How tempting it looked all those fresh vibrant colours, reds, yellows, orange, green, white and brown. All those fragrances and aromas, woody and sweet, young and old wafting into the air.

Then I looked closely at the salad and thought isn’t it funny that I would gladly choose any of the ingredients by themselves yet together how better they become working together to complement each other in their own unique way.

Unique as despite my best efforts of tossing them high into the sky and mixing them up in and around the bowl they still remained the same –still a piece of lettuce, tomato, pepper, onion, egg, cheese, celery, apple and nut. Yes they had a bit of seasoning and dressing but that is like a uniform that could be removed for beneath this they continued to be themselves providing the flavour and aroma they always did but now even better in so many ways.

 

Best thing ever?

list

Is this the best thing ever?

Making a list and checking it off. Simple right? Well you would like to think it is however a recent study found that over 80% of lists remain incomplete.

That is a lot of things to do that is not done.

Maybe it is time to check your New Year resolutions list and see where you are at and get ticking off your to do list.

I’m just checking mine, first on the list – a nice cup of tea, ah can’t get better than that…

 

 

 

 

4-7-8 Breathe

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Follow these steps to relaxation:

The 4-7-8 (or Relaxing Breath) Exercise

This exercise is utterly simple, takes almost no time, requires no equipment and can be done anywhere. Although you can do the exercise in any position, sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

  • Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
  • Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
  • Hold your breath for a count of seven.
  • Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
  • This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. Unlike tranquilizing drugs, which are often effective when you first take them but then lose their power overtime, this exercise is subtle when you first try it but gains in power with repetition and practice. Do it at least twice a day. You cannot do it too frequently. Do not do more than four breaths at one time for the first month of practice. Later, if you wish, you can extend it to eight breaths. If you feel a little lightheaded when you first breathe this way, do not be concerned; it will pass.
  • Once you develop this technique by practicing it every day, it will be a very useful tool that you will always have with you. Use it whenever anything upsetting happens – before you react. Use it whenever you are aware of internal tension. Use it to help you fall asleep. This exercise cannot be recommended too highly. Everyone can benefit from it.
  • Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply.The 4-7-8 (or Relaxing Breath) Exercise

    This exercise is utterly simple, takes almost no time, requires no equipment and can be done anywhere. Although you can do the exercise in any position, sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

    • Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
    • Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
    • Hold your breath for a count of seven.
    • Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
    • This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. Unlike tranquilizing drugs, which are often effective when you first take them but then lose their power overtime, this exercise is subtle when you first try it but gains in power with repetition and practice. Do it at least twice a day. You cannot do it too frequently. Do not do more than four breaths at one time for the first month of practice. Later, if you wish, you can extend it to eight breaths. If you feel a little lightheaded when you first breathe this way, do not be concerned; it will pass.
    • Once you develop this technique by practicing it every day, it will be a very useful tool that you will always have with you. Use it whenever anything upsetting happens – before you react. Use it whenever you are aware of internal tension. Use it to help you fall asleep. This exercise cannot be recommended too highly. Everyone can benefit from it.
    • Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply.